Lilica Hasegawa admits she harboured feelings of “embarrassment and shame” and even “internalised racism” while growing up in Hornsby on the upper North Shore of Sydney, Australia. But it was only after the death of her father that she realised she wasn’t alone.
The dau ghter of a Chinese father and Japanese mother, her dad’s death from brain cancer in April 2018 brought on waves of guilt, but the 23-year-old found herself unable to express her grief to even her closest friends.
It wasn’t until more than a year later that Hasegawa bared her soul — to 1.5 million strangers who she knew would understand.
“I’ve been debating whether or not to share this but I’ve needed to talk about it for a while, and with predominantly white friends and community I just don’t have a lot of people in my life that would understand,” she wrote in Subtle Asian Traits (SAT) Facebook group in August 2019.
SAT has not only helped her grapple with grief and cultural identity in one of the most painful moments of her life, but it has been life-changing to its other members as it explores intercultural relationships, mental health and racism.
Founded by nine Australian students in September 2018, SAT has become the platform for Asians to share their cultural experiences. From bubble tea memes to personal accounts of intercultural relationships, it has become particularly popular with Asian Australians and Asian Americans, and even counts celebrities amongst its members.
For Hasegawa, speaking about her late father in a forum like SAT has not only been a part of her grieving process, but helped her “better understand and appreciate my culture”.
Hasegawa told the group she had “resented” her dad for being a “stereotypical strict Asian parent”, but as she grew up she “realised like many other Asian parents, mine were hard workers and sacrificed a lot for their kids”.
She also shared a final audio message from her father, that he’d recorded for her in Japanese and Cantonese. The next 48 hours after sharing were emotional for Hasegawa, who received 50 messages of support from complete strangers who had read her post.
